


boner shark

by Kt_fairy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, Humour, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kt_fairy/pseuds/Kt_fairy
Summary: "boner sharking," - A reference to the way boners start poking you in the ass. it is extra funny if you hum the "jaws" theme while spooning as it starts to happen.OR5 times Derek Nurse can't Boner Shark and one time he can.ORBe careful what you wish for shelly.





	boner shark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shellybelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellybelle/gifts).



> This is a early birthday present for [ shellybelle](http://archiveofourown.org/users/shellybelle/pseuds/shellybelle) (so its all her fault). HAPPY BIRTHDAY I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS!
> 
> I took some liberties with the definition of a Boner Shark but I hope I'm true to the spirit of it.

 

 

**1**

 It all started, as quite a few things did in Derek’s life these days, with Chris Chow.

 Cuddling was Derek’s _thing_ , always had been; not poetry, not hockey, not social equality through literacy- cuddling. His family all tolerated it, knowing that if they sat with him on the couch for long enough he’d be cuddling up to them like a particularly heavy sloth. Post coital cuddles were the best part of sex in his opinion, an essential, a vital element, a hook-up could have fucked his brains out but if they made their excuses straight away then it was counted as a bust. But it was not until Chris (gradually and semi-grudgingly joined later by Dex) that he started to get best friend cuddles.

 That’s not an appeal for sympathy for little Derek Nurse all alone at Andover, he was popular as shit he just didn’t have friends like Chris there. Not many people were like Chris to be honest.

 They were getting their cuddle on long before Chris dumped Farmer into a pile of leaves and stole her heart, and they never really got around to stopping. There was a moment when Chris and Farms were starting to get serious that Derek thought their cuddles would end because, well, he knew how it must look when Chris would go all the way to Derek’s dorm just to curl themselves up in one another but he still kept on turning up for them. Farmer never once gave Derek stink eye for it, and once Chris had moved into the Haus she would even come and lay on them, dragging Dex with her if he was in the building (and thus creating the much envied Frogpile).

 It was just a thing they did. Chris was shorter than Derek but he was solid and strong, his breathing always quiet and calm, the smell of him so familiar and comforting that he could quiet Derek’s wild thoughts when they were all racing away from him. When Chris doubted his skill, his place on the team, his place in the world, it was all Derek could do not to fall apart himself to wrap Chris up against his chest and hold him.

 Those were the odd occasions though, mostly it was just cozy and soft and familiar. And getting to snuggle up with a soft, strong boy was _always_ a bonus (the odd boner between friends is no bad thing and politely overlooked - apart from that one time it wasn’t, where Chris had pressed his hand against Derek’s dick as he rutted against his ass. But that had been a one off, taken as a sign of the strength of their friendship that it did not make this weird.

 Which was great because this was fucking  _awesome_.)

 They began, as always, chatting about Hockey - this time it was who had the hottest goalie -  then Derek got off on a tangent, complaining about Brutalist architecture, before he ended up waxing lyrical about the literal and artistic poetry of Hokusai to an actively attentive Chris. The arts always fired him up, chill was not compatible with something you had to feel in your gut, and because he was a young hormonal penis owner getting fired up sometimes meant getting a bit hard - it was very lucky he did not embarrass easily. Derek was in full swing so it took him a moment to notice Chris’ chest was vibrating under his hand, stopping mid sentence to ask, “What are you doing?”, trying to hear what he was humming.

“Duuh-dun, duuh-dun, duuh-dun - I’m humming the jaws theme at you.”

“ ‘Kay”, Derek gently butted the back of Chris’ head, “Why?”

 A strong leg pressed back against Derek’s dick and he yelped, “Never heard of a boner shark?”

“No”, Derek rubbed at his eyes, starting to smile “But it sounds like something I _need_ to hear about.”

“Well, it’s an unexpected boner poking your butt, and then you hum the Jaws theme.”

 Derek snorted, rolling onto his back with an arm still caught under Chris, laughter bubbling up louder and louder the longer he thought about it, absolutely delighted with this piece of information, “Man, I can’t believed I lived for twenty-two years without knowing that.”

“The bone-ee’s aren’t usually so amused.”

“Bone-ee! Shit, Chris you’re killing me!”

“It’s fun to hum before the bone-ee even realises they’re poking you”, Derek looked over at Chris who had rolled over to grin at him, “I missed this dating Cait, dude.”

“Duuuude, hang ten brah!”, Derek drawled, wiggling a Shaka hand sign between them.

 Chris narrowed his eyes, “Cait’s dick is usually back in the draw by the morning.”

“ _ChrisSTOPHER FRANKlin_!”

  
  
                                                                                        _X_

  
  
**2**

  Parties in the Haus always seemed to be more intense than any of the other one’s on campus Derek had ventured into with his non-hockey friends, full of non-hockey tub juice and surrounded by non-hockey people. They felt weird and unrelatable, Derek slowly realising the SMH had become central to his college life and finding it hard to be mad about it.

 There was always people running about in the midst of a drama that had boiled over in the press of the party, the music felt like it was thumping clean through the house it was so loud, the constantly moving mass of people whacking up the temperature and the sweet smell of booze and pie made it feel like a liminal space, somewhere next to reality where anything could happen but would struggle to exist outside of these four walls.

 Derek found himself with an half full solo cup in one hand and an empty carton of rolling paper clutched in the other as he danced with Ransom, who was dancing with Holster, the pair of them back from Boston for Bitty’s birthday. They were as huge and perfect as ever, red cheeked and sweaty, Holster’s hair curling at his temples and Ransom’s shirt clinging to his abs, moving almost perfectly in rhythm and it was getting to become too much for Derek’s queer little heart.  

 Ransom grinned, beautiful and dirty, and leant in to whisper shout into Derek’s ear, “May have to borrow your room, Holtzy’s chubbed.”

“You should boner shark him!”, Derek declared, face fuzzy from the booze and tongue heavy from the weed, trying to process if he was going to need his room to fuck, and if his esteemed roommate would be grumpy at him for how wasted he was getting. He looked around, trying to spot Dex over everyone’s heads, suddenly needing to know where he was and why he wasn’t dancing with him.

“Nursey!”, Ransom called, probably not for the first time, and Derek turned back to look at him, “Boner shark? Bro how much have you had to drink?”

“You hum jaws when someone’s boner pokes you. Lemme- I’ll show you…”, Derek tripped as he turned and staggered against Ransom, laughing when he caught him around the waist.

“Brah!”

“Look”, Derek wiggled his butt against Ransom, tipping his head back so he could hum the Jaw’s theme right into his ear but found himself being pushed and pulled away from him, stumbling into Ford.

“Fooooorrrdddd!”

“Come on, let’s get you some water.”

“Nurseyy patroooool!”

“And deliver you to Dex.”

“I’m in troooubbblleeeee!”

 

 The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. He was sure he made to lean on Ford’s head only for her to sidestep him and send him crashing to the kitchen floor, could remember the feeling of a spring night on his face when he was taken outside to sober up, was definite in the memory of groping Dex’s ass as he herded him up the stairs, had a fuzzy memory of smacking a kiss on Ransom’s lips while laughing but that seemed to be out of order with the rest evening and vaguely unreal so hid further in his sheets.

“Rans told me you were going on about 'Boner Sharking'”, Dex said from the top bunk, Derek peeking out just enough to see his head hanging over the side to look at him, “So I told him what it meant. Holtzy thinks it’s hilarious you almost fell on Rans’ dick trying to explain it, but is also pissed about it. So I’d stay in here until they go, or you can face pissy chirping. Whatever”

“Please tell me I didn’t kiss Ransom last night?”

 Dex scoffed, “If you did you’d be asleep on the floor right now, bub.”

 Derek groaned in reply, taking one last look at the smile on Dex’s face before he buried himself again.

  
                                                            _X_

 

**3**  

“That’s not my dick, I’m sorry.”

 Frogpiles were not exclusively a Frog thing, other people joined on the occasion, and almost from the day she was hired Ford was getting in on it, coming in from doing all that Managing of Stages and Hockey, spotting them, and dropping on top of them.

“Are you sure I’m not crushing anyone?”, she had asked once, pooling her head on Farmer’s thigh.

“Sure”, Farms had said, “you’re like the weight of a bean. A single bean.”

“I hope more like a...a big bean than a pinto bean.”

“Oh yeah. If you weighed as much as a pinto bean you’d like, blow away.”

 That was pretty much the situation now, except Ford had flopped against Derek’s back, something digging into the base of his spine and he had automatically taken a breath to hum when Ford had spoken, Chris snorting next to him.

“Not that I’m not pleased to see you”, Ford said, rooting around in the pocket of her overalls to produce a medium sized, hefty socket wrench, “Although I am flattered that you thought this could be it.”

 Dex, through whatever weird upbringing you get in coastal Maine, was a sucker for tool based humour and let out a strangled laugh from the bottom of the pile while Chris reached out to take the socket wrench from Ford, “It does look more like a shark tbh. Grey and sleek and long and hard.”

“Are we still talking about the wrench?”, Dex giggled.

“I don’t know about you dude but I’ve never seen a steel dick before.”

 Derek tried to glare at all three of them, “Will none of you let me have this one thing!?”

“The delayed anticipation will make it all the better Nursey, don’t worry”, Ford said into his shoulder.

 Derek tried to get up but Chris put his weight on his legs and Dex hugged his arm to his chest to keep him down. “I’m sorry, babe”, Dex murmured softly, fingers tracing the delicate skin on the inside of his bicep and Derek found himself relenting. He was not sugar sweet and soft very often but when he was Derek turned into a sap who was useless to resist it.

“I’m not. This is hilarious”, Chris chirped, brandishing the wrench as if to ward Derek off from wrestling him but he chose to take the high road, shifting so Ford slipped off his back and untangled his legs from Chris so he could roll onto the other side of Dex who ended up coming with him as he was still hugging Derek arm to his chest.

“I am formally leaving this Frogpile and taking Dexifer with me, goodbye.”

  
                                                                  _X_

**4**

 Waking up in the morning under your own steam, without an alarm ripping you into the day, was the ideal, the pinnacle, the dam American Dream, especially when you had nowhere to be and nothing to do.

 Waking up with someone made it even better. If you woke up before them you got to enjoy the soppy romantic gazing-at-them-while-they-sleep crap, of course, but also because you could take pictures of them drooling or blearily half awake to keep forever. If they woke up before you, you got to snuggle into someone warm and awake enough to stroke your back or scratch at your scalp.

 It was fucking lit, fam.

 Today it was Dex twisting around, shifting against his morning wood that woke him, Derek wrapping him up in his arms so he could dig his fingers into his sides to make him squirm.

“Ugh, fuck off”, Dex grumbled in that scratchy rasp of his that made Derek tingle all over, but he shifted closer, wiggling a hand between them to try and shove it down the front of Derek’s boxers.

“Dex. Dex. Bill. Billy. Billiam. Guillaume. I love you but you know that’s not what I want.”

 Dex’s forehead pressed into his chin as he let out a deeply disgruntled sigh that went on for so long Derek was almost convinced he was trying to make himself pass out, then he turned around with a huff and pressed his back against Derek’s chest, the curve of his butt slotting into the dip of Derek’s pelvis.

 Dex made a strangled sound, cleared his throat, and then started humming the Jaw’s theme. Derek was very amused, despite having to make Dex do it, surprised for a moment when he caught the waiver of a laugh in Dex’s voice and he could not help the snort he let out, which only made Dex laugh out right, which set Derek off, and soon they were sprawled out on the bottom bunk, legs and arms hanging off it, sniggering at one another.

“You’re so fucking ridiculous.”

“It’s funny man, what can I say?”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Want to do it once, you know? But forcing it ruins the fun.”

“Uh. You literally just _made_ me do it?”

“I made you do _nothing_. ‘Sides the way you do it is so funny...”

“Maybe you’d get to do it if you weren’t a serial octopus and let someone else be the big spoon for once.”

“Huurr durr durr durrh.”

 Dex shoved him and Derek shoved back automatically, the both of them sharing a wide eyed moment of horror as Dex started to slip off the bed, Derek trying to drag him back on but Dex took him down with him, the both of them crashing into the floor in a tangle of blankets.

“Oh shit, is your dick okay?”

“Now I see what your priority is!” Derek snapped but Dex was trying to hum the Jaw’s theme again but just couldn’t get it out past his giggles, Derek having to smile at the bright amusement in his eyes.

  
                                                                        _X_

 

**5**  

 It sucked getting knocked out of the first round of the frozen four, Derek would almost have preferred to have not made it than to get what little hopes had had up, but such was life. At least everyone was less disappointed than they had been when they had fallen at the last hurdle in his Freshman year; even Dex was being quite sangfroid about the whole thing (no hurled helmets this time) but shockingly that might just be straight up personal growth.

 This was their penultimate season though, they would be the senior team members soon, all the older team mates who they had leant on and admired would be graduated in a few months and the rest of the team would be looking to the Frogs for all that support plus their years of NCAA experience, which when looked back on really did not feel like that much at all.

  Derek looked across at Chris who was talking quietly with Tango, paused in the process of unlacing his skates, a group of the new Tadpoles listening intently from their stalls around him. At Dex who was on the other end of the row, his heavy presence and functional chatter keeping a couple of the obviously frustrated and annoyed younger players calm, at the guys around him who were trying very hard to not talk about the game or Hockey in general as they got changed.

 He felt like someone should say something, like a speech or whatever, but being an English major did not mean he was all that good with spontaneous words, plus he felt like he kinda needed to hear a bolstering speech more than struggle through giving one.

 His jersey and shorts were already gone, Derek dropping his outer socks and tugging off all his pads, standing up and stretching out his back in just his compression shorts and under armour, glancing over at Dex to see if he was looking at him but instead got an eyeful of his powerful freckled arms and strong, solid chest, at the creases of his soft stomach from where he was sat slouching in his locker. Checking his guy out in the locker room was probably a bit over the line but what the hell, their season was over and it wasn’t like the whole team had not witnessed Dex pretending to be irritated while Derek had tried to distract him from taping up his socks with kisses .

  He decided enough was enough when he felt his face heat, looking away to finish stripping down when he heard a murmur run through the locker room behind him, and Whiskey starting to sing the Jaw’s theme.

  He jerked around to see who was unfortunate enough to pop a boner in a packed locker room as other people started joining in and realised they were all looking at him. There was a moment of abject horror when he thought it was him and he looked down before he realised he wasn’t actually hard. It was just his fucking cup had shifted as he got undressed.

“Firstly”, he yelled, “It’s just my fucking cup. Secondly, you all know that’s NOT HOW THIS WORKS!” They just began Duuh-duning louder and Derek started smiling because they were terrible people but they were his team and he guessed he loved them, “You’re all the reasons Meme’s die I hope you know that.”

  A cheer went up, hoots and laughter rippling around the room and Derek joined in, happy that whatever tension there had been in the room was lightening even if it was at his expense. He caught Chris’ eye who gave him a level, wide eyed look, making sure Derek knew they were not laughing _at_ him, making sure he was okay with this and Derek smiled and nodded back at him just as Whiskey bundled into his side, laughing.

 

                                                                                        _X_

 

 

**+1**   

 Hockey was great, but it was not everything, and even though he loved Jack and wanted boundless success for him, if a study-group for his Russian Lit class was going to run until the middle of the second period then he was going to have to miss it because Russian literature was _hard_ and hostile and passionate and Other. He found it difficult, he was happy to admit that, and anything less than an overall B (which really meant an A) was not a part of his life plan.

 He got back to the Haus during the ad break, the queue for the pie winding down, and he dumped his bag on the kitchen table as he tagged onto the end of it.

“Oh Nursey! How was your study group? I fought off the boys to keep some cherry pie over just for y’all”, Bitty said when he saw him, handing Ford a bowl of pie, Derek smiling at the grin on her face as she hurried off past him. “Dex did the filling ‘cause he know’s it’s your favourite”, Bitty whispered conspiratorially as he ducked to pull a plate out of the oven, pressing a fork into Derek’s hand before shoo-ing him out of the kitchen.

 Coming in this late meant he would be relegated to the floor, it was a rule he had often enforced so he wandered into the den resigned to it, looking for a spot to settle himself and his pie down in when he spotted Dex sitting smugly in the armchair. There was always a scuffle over it that Derek and Dex usually stayed out of these days; now that Ransom and Holster were gone the only ones they could wrestle for it were one another because they were both huge and the rest of the team were, well, not - but it seemed like Dex had staged a coup without Derek there to fight him for it and letting Bitty (usually) slip in while their united front disintegrated.

 Derek weaved through the plates and people spread out everywhere, nodding to Chris and giving Ford a friendly knock with his leg, and sunk down (slipped off the arm rest) into Dex’s lap.

“Ow!” 

“What do you mean ow? My ass is plush as hell!”, Derek grumbled as he moved around trying get comfortable, giving up with one foot on the floor and the other hooked around the leg of the chair, half leaning back on Dex, “I’d make a fucking terrible trophy husband, I can’t even sit on your lap temptingly.”

“Tempting me to shove you off.”

“I know you wouldn’t ever, don’t try it.”

 Dex opened his legs so Derek could perch on the seat between them, throwing one of his long legs over the arm of the chair, giving him more room to sit comfortably and allowing Dex enough space to actually get forkfuls of pie to his mouth while Derek chatted to Ford and laughed with Tango and the new Taddie from Queens, fidgeting and wiggling and almost slipping off a few times if not for Dex’s steadying hand grabbing his waist.

 He leant his shoulders against Dex’s chest as the game came back on, considering sinking down to sit on the floor between Dex’s knees because sitting like this wasn’t all that comfortable over a long period of time, his back was already cricking, when he felt Dex gasp in a breath and shift. Derek knew very well what that meant, pressing his toes into the floor so he could lever himself back enough to settle his ass fully in Dex’s lap and grinned at the cut off groan that got him, something unmistakable pressing against the top of his butt.

 Derek had been waiting for this moment forever (weeks), but if he started humming then Dex would get embarrassed, and even though he was putting a concerted effort into his anger problems his first reaction to public embarrassment was still getting mad about it and Derek was really not in the mood for that after the long ass day he’d had.

 Sighing, Derek let his hips slip forward, resigned to sit here until Dex wasn’t so obviously hard when an arm wrapped around his waist and he was pulled back against Dex’s solid chest, his cheeks heating when he felt Dex kiss his shoulders through the material of his shirt, “Go on then.”

 Derek twisted so he could look at him, “Babe, everyone will know you’ve popped a boner.”

“I’ve got you sitting in my lap, I doubt they’ll be surprised”, Dex blushed as he spoke, darkening when Derek grinned at him. He tilted his chin up obediently when Derek craned his head to give him a quick kiss, pulling back to knock their noses together playfully while he started humming quietly, not stopping as he pressed his smile softly to Dex’s mouth, sitting up and doing it loud enough that it was only a matter of time before the people sat around them started to notice.

“Dudes! Seriously!”

“Nursey!”

“OH my goooddd! We’re literally all here!” 

“What did he do?”

“Did he fart?”

"Bro. Fine."

“No! He’s fucking Boner Sharking Dex!”

 Chris leapt up with a cheer, face manic in delight and Derek beamed, shooting him some finger guns in celebration and winking at Bitty who was blushing despite himself, shimmying his shoulders as they were mercilessly fined.

“Why is he boner sharking Dex?”, Tango asked, his face a mask of innocence if not for the glint in his eye that gave away what an arch troll he was, looking on as that had everyone groaning and looking awkward around him until Cait declared loudly that it was ‘cause Dex had a boner and Tango finally let slip a hint of a smile.

“Are you really gonna sit here or are you gonna go an’ take care of it?”

“Yeah Nurse, gonna go and...pet the shark?”

“We’d have all been better off if y’all’d’ve not said that Connor I’m gonna be honest.” 

“I know Jack’s hockey is wicked sexy but you can’t really sit there with a hard on, brah. It’s hockey!”

“Do you really want to sit here knowing we’re just upstairs fucking?” Dex said, “‘Sides, the game is still on. Shut up.”

 Derek turned around, ignoring everyone to whisper,”Thanks babe”, down at Dex who shrugged, “I owe you one”, he began waggling his eyebrows as suggestively as he could, winking ridiculously and making kissy faces until Dex gave him a dirty look and pressed his burning red face into Derek’s back.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This all came about because of this comment from Shellybelle - _"boner sharking," which my friends and i started using in college to refer to the way boners start poking you in the ass. it is extra funny if you hum the "jaws" theme in your head while spooning as it starts to happen, though the boner-having person tends to find it less hilarious. i imagine derek nurse, however, would be delighted._


End file.
